I had a lot of fun in the time after I made my confession to Barbara. I loved shopping for panties, I had a large collection, I was in panties all the time, and Barbara knew all about it, which was wonderful. However, I still had my secrets. What she didn't know about was my growing pornography and masturbation addiction, and the feeling that I wanted more than to just wear panties.
During this time, Barbara was happy for me to indulge my "panties habit" but she never participated in any fundamental way (except for maybe the "no thong" rule). The only time she exercised some influence was when I found that she had gotten rid of my "boy underwear" and I had nothing to wear but panties. But things changed and she became involved soon after I showed her my first bra.
I had wanted a bra for a while and one day we were at the mall, but shopping separately, and I bought one from J.C. Pennys. It was pretty, white, size 38b and had lacy, padded cups with no underwire. Barbara was driving us home and I showed her what I had bought. I showed her my new panties first and lastly I said, "Oh, and I got this," and pulled the bra from the shopping bag. She did not say much but I remember her asking where I planned on wearing it and I said, "I don't really know for sure."
But Barbara's active directing of my feminization didn't start because I got a bra, it just happened to be about that same time when she became aware of my pornography addiction. Her first clue came when she found a shoebox with a few video tapes (remember those?) hidden inside. All the tapes focused on my obsession with female-on-male oral sex and especially the messy climax of that act.
She questioned me about the tapes until I confessed some very embarrassing things. I told her how I watched the videos basically whenever I had time alone. I admitted that, when I couldn't watch the tapes, I would masturbate while thinking about them. And when she asked how often I was doing it, I confessed that it was about three times a week (which was in truth the minimum, sometimes it would be five or even more times a week). At the risk of understatement, she was not happy.
This time there was crying, yelling and accusations. She pointed out how seldom we had sex and now she knew why. I was expending all of my sexual energy on my fantasies. How did I think that made her feel? She said that this was not how real men satisfied their sexual needs (the first time she had ever implied that I might not be a "real man") but was something more appropriate for a horny teenager. And she said the subject matter of these video tapes was particularly nasty. It was objectifying, humiliating and degrading to the women involved. I was thoroughly chastised and had nothing to say for myself.
What I did was apologize. I cried. I said I was sorry. I begged for her forgiveness and a chance to prove myself. I tore tape from the cassettes while she watched, broke it and threw them away. I promised never to look at such subject matter again. I promised to avoid masturbating and to pay more attention to her. I asked her to let me prove I could act like a man and not some horny teen boy. I promised all of these things to her and I meant everything I said. But within a short time, I had broken every promise. In other words, I acted exactly like an addict.
Somewhat later I was told how this incident upset Barbara so much that she talked it over with her mother, Carolyn. That was when Miss Carolyn first heard about my love of panties. It was also when Barbara first heard that her own father not only wore panties, but was a sissy. Barbara also complained to her mother about her sexual frustration and dissatisfaction. As can be imagined, this conversation was to have a lasting effect on our marriage.
And so all the pieces were in place: A husband-in-panties with a porn and masturbation addiction, a wife that knew about it, and an informed mother-in-law that had experience with a sissy of her own. Next time I will go into how Miss Barbara (and, unknown to me, her mother) began directing my feminization and trying to bring my sexual addictions under control.
Until then, thanks again for reading!
