Thursday, June 30, 2011

Barbara's Husband in Panties and More Secrets

After the confession to my wife Barbara, I was soon in panties "24/7" as it is called. That is to say, I was wearing panties any time I was dressed. I have heard of women who want to get their man in panties having to trick, cajole, bribe and threaten him (among other things) until he finally relents and gives in to her wishes. But in my case, none of that was necessary. I did it myself with her blessing! However, it would be years before we would fully realize the ultimate effects this would have on our relationship.

The first thing I did was retrieve those thrown-away panties from the garbage can (there were thirteen pairs!) and wash them. Over the next few years I bought dozens of panties, probably over a hundred. I loved shopping in the lingerie department! Every chance I got I would browse the tables and racks for pretty new panties. When Barbara and I went to malls together we would often shop in the lingerie departments and pay at the cashier together. I remember once a cashier at Dillards said, "Are you sure this is right? These are the same as these but the sizes are different." To which Barbara answered, "Yes, it's right, those are for him." The cashier glanced my way and said, "Oh, I see," and continued the transaction. I stood there blushing and unable to suppress my happy grin.

At first I mainly liked bikini panties. Polyester string bikini panties in endless colors and designs were popular at the time. I liked the panty lines that showed when women wore them but I had to be careful about my own panty lines. I bought bikinis of all kinds but I had one rule, "No cotton!" I wanted panties as unlike my old "boy underwear" as possible. Over the years I discovered that the polyester string bikinis were not as comfortable as say, nylon full cut panties. I also realized that buying the older style nylon briefs was even "more sissy" than buying sexy little panties. After all, no man buys that style of panties for a lover so cashiers pretty much knew they were for me. Over time I even relaxed my "no cotton" rule when I discovered how comfy cotton panties are and once again, no man would buy a style like that for a woman.

This was also the time of the first restriction that Barbara placed on me. That restriction was, "No thongs." When thong-style panties first became popular I bought a couple and she saw me in a pair. She laughed and said that they looked ridiculous and told me not to buy anymore. I said, "No more thongs? Is that a rule?" She answered that if it needed to be a rule, then yes, it was a rule. No thongs. I said "Yes Ma'am" to her for the first time and got rid of the ones I had and never bought any more.

One day I was getting ready to go to the doctor for a checkup and I could not find a single pair of "boy undies" in my dresser. I had gotten rid of most of them but I kept a few for just such situations. I asked Barbara if she had seen any of my "boy underwear" and she said, "Oh, that. I didn't think you needed them anymore so I threw them away." I asked her what I was supposed to do now, I had to go the doctor for a checkup! Her answer was simple, "You'll just have to wear panties of course." I mentioned that I might go without but she said, "No, you can find a pair of plain, conservative panties and wear those, just like a woman would do." And that is what I did. Both the doctor and a nurse saw my white cotton full-cut panties during the exam and neither of them said a word.

During this time I was not a sissy, at least not that I knew. I was just a man that wore panties. But there was one other thing. It is embarrassing to admit, but I was still a habitual and frequent masturbator. I did it virtually every time I got time alone and usually my climax would come in or on panties. But worst of all was the pornography that I would use to fuel my fantasies. It was disrespectful and degrading to women and I should have known better. In fact, I did know better. I knew it was wrong but I could not, or actually did not want to, stop looking at such things. Like wearing panties was before, my masturbation and pornography habit was a secret from Barbara. It was another time bomb just waiting to go off.

Jackie the sissy did not yet exist but her emergence was well under way. Over the next few years I would go from being a panty-wearing, chronically masturbating, secretive pervert to being the submissive, obedient (but still subject to temptation), femininity-worshiping sissy that I am today. That story will continue next time. Thanks again for reading!

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Jackie Confesses All (Mostly) to His Wife Barbara

When I think about it, it couldn't have been a week between the time Barbara found my panties during the hurricane evacuation and when I made my confession. I know this because, after I told her, I still had time before "garbage day" to retrieve the panties I had thrown away while I was packing. But, first things first.

I knew I had to tell Barbara quickly because I was afraid she was worried I might be having an affair. I did it within a few days of things settling down after the hurricane near-miss (actually, near hit). We were riding along the beach after dinner and I brought up the panties she had found. I told her that I didn't want her to worry so I had to tell her something. And I told her that I did not have a girlfriend, the panties were mine, and I had them because I liked to wear them.

That was when the yelling, crying, accusations, all the things I had been afraid of... did not happen. For one thing, she told me that she did not really believe that I was having an affair. She had already guessed that I had panties because I liked to wear panties. But there were some other things about which she did want answers.

"You're not gay, right?" she asked. I told her no, I was not gay. She had done some research of her own and told me that from what she could tell, most men that crossdress are not gay. She wanted to know how long I had been doing it. I told her about how I started trying on, buying and wearing panties back at the beginning of our marriage when we worked different shifts. She asked where I got my panties. I told her about how I would buy a pair or two when I was traveling for work or sometimes when I got a chance at the mall in Jacksonville (we lived in a smaller town outside of the city). She wanted to know if what she found was all I had and I told her about the ones I had thrown away while packing for the evacuation. She had a good laugh about that, we both did. And she asked if I was only interested panties or did I want to wear bras or other women's clothes. I told her that it was just panties. The conversation basically went on like that for a little while.

I should mention here some things that I did not tell her, however. For one thing, although not gay, I would still think about men sometimes when I was playing around in panties. I didn't mention that I experimented with wearing "girl clothes" as a teen and even earlier. I also left out the strong association of panties and masturbation in our early marriage, and the fact that I was still a very frequent masturbator, especially when I was in panties. And then there was the fact that it was not just panties. I also had garter belts and stockings and pantyhose and would love to try on a bra. So although I was honest in what I said, I was still not entirely forthcoming.

Barbara was totally accepting of everything that I told her. She only wished that I had felt secure enough to be honest with her sooner instead of making her find out the way she did. I told her that I had been planning on telling her, trying to think of a good way, but I was too embarrassed and felt too silly to actually do it. She said something like, "Well, men wearing panties is a pretty silly thing but if that is what you want to do, go ahead and do it."

From that point on I have very rarely even put on any "boy underwear" and soon did not have any at all. At first I was basically just a man that wore panties (and masturbated), but little did I know that it was just the beginning.