Saturday, March 19, 2011

Caught Your Husband in Panties... Now What? (Part 4)

We have all heard about wives who find out to their surprise that their husband is a crossdresser. What is a woman to do?
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This is the fourth in a series of articles on how a woman might handle the discovery that her husband is a crossdresser. In previous articles I began with her first reaction to the discovery and ended up discussing how it could actually be a good thing for her, for him, and for the relationship. Now it is finally time to talk about that important post-discovery conversation with the husband.

If you handled the discovery as I outlined, he was left knowing that his secret is out and that you will not ignore it. What could be going through his mind? Well, it could be (and is) a lot of things: How upset is she? (because you gave no clue when you left); Does she think I am gay?; Does she want a divorce?; Will she tell anybody about this? (possibly his greatest fear).

Above all, he is probably telling himself, and will probably swear to you, that he will never do it again. And he means it, but he will be tempted to, and almost certainly will, do it again. By the time you get home, he probably will have thrown his entire "collection" away (and likely not for the first time).

The reason for all the "probablys" is this: in rare cases, he may decide to be completely truthful and say something like, "Ok, you caught me. I am sorry that I kept it a secret from you, but this is me. I can't change and I hope you can accept me the way I am." If so, it is a good thing and shows that he is truthful and courageous, knows himself, and trusts in you and in the strength of the relationship to endure.

Every situation is different and there is no one way to handle this encounter. For starters, let on as little as possible about your feelings in the matter. Tell him that the time has come to talk and get him to the place where you will be most comfortable; the kitchen table, the living room, even the bedroom, it is up to you.

Miss Carolyn suggests bringing the word "sissy" into the conversation at the beginning and using it often. He will probably start in with apologies, excuses, explanations, or possibly with a confession such as mentioned above. In any case, this is the time to assert control over how things will proceed. Firmly interrupt him with a statement in the form of a question such as, "Just tell me this, how long have you been a sissy?"

If he objects to the word "sissy", remind him of the circumstances. Smile sweetly and say something like, "Now honey, I caught you wearing panties, of course you are a sissy." Or, "But you dress up in womens clothes, that's what sissies do." Just be specific and be sure to use the word "sissy".

Now he can't deny that by your definition he is a sissy, but he will want you to know that he is not gay. When this comes up, say something along the lines of, "Don't worry, I know that most sissies are not gay, just like most men are not gay." Notice the subtle message that, even though you don't think he is gay, you may not exactly think of a "sissy" as a "man".

Now you want him to tell you everything. Just know that no matter how much he tells you, it probably won't really be everything. The idea is to get as much as you can from him while understanding that there is almost certainly more.

Start by saying something like, "I am not upset about you being a sissy, I am upset that you were deceitful. You can help make it better by telling me everything." Do this even if you are not so sure about it yourself. It is the best way to get him talking. You might also give him a place to start by asking something specific like, "When did you first wear women's clothes?"

When he begins talking, let him talk, but also ask a lot of questions. Ask him anything you are curious about or anything about which you want more details. And remember, use the word "sissy" often. You want him to get used to thinking of himself as a sissy and of knowing that you do too. Use the word non-judgementally and without negative connotation.

In my next article, I will go over some some important specific (and potentially useful) things that you will need to learn from him. Thanks for reading!


  1. Hi Jackie,

    Thanks for the invite from

    Miss Carolyn, the mother of your wife Miss Barbara, seems to have had quite a bit of input into these excellent articles you have written. So much so that I have a couple of questions, if you don't mind. Did Miss Carolyn have her excellent insight into sissies before you met Miss Barbara and then taught Miss Barbara, encouraging her to actively seek out marriage to a sissy? Or, did Miss Barbara discover she was married to a sissy after the wedding and seek advice from her mother?

    I like your housekeeping dress, btw. One of mine is just like it. Some say that these dresses aren't very nice but I've found that a housekeeping dress and apron just work better to help me keep the "maid" in "sissy maid". I'm just not as effective in a pretty dressy dress. Besides, a complete set of silky lingerie including a full slip, even under a housekeeping dress, is quite enjoyable. I've found quite a few links to "real" housekeeping dresses and could share them if anyone is interested. Well, enough rambling. Thanks.

  2. Hi niqqi, thanks for the comment. It turns out that Miss Carolyn is a natural at this sort of thing. Her own (sadly passed away) husband was a sissy and when Miss Barb found out she was married to a sissy Miss C. was able to offer a lot of insight.

    I guess you can say I consider myself to be a "practical maid" for the most part. I love the sissy dresses but a real housekeeping dress is the best for getting things done. I would love to get one of those frilly French maid dresses though! Maybe for my birthday... Thanks again!

  3. Is your "Caught Your Husband in Panties" series autobiographical then?

    I think it would be a really interesting read if you were willing to share your story of Miss Barbara finding out you were a sissy and how it came about to where you are now in housekeeping dresses cleaning the house.

  4. The series is meant more to be of help to couples, especially women, who find themselves in such a situation as opposed to being an exact description of how it happened to any specific person. My fondest hope is that it might even save a relationship. That said, I suppose you could still call it semi-autobiographical because I was indeed found out in that way myself. The story of how I went from a man caught wearing panties to a sissy maid would be a fairly long one but I am indeed in the early stages of outlining it. Thanks for the discussion!

  5. I'm sure it would be a very interesting story to read. There's only one time I can remember hearing of a wife catching her husband wearing her underwear and other lingerie. Their marriage ended.

    Fortunately for me, I was not caught wearing panties because shortly after we were married I asked my wife if I could wear her panties. I often wore lingerie to bed after that but we scaled it back as children came along. It wasn't until right after we became empty nesters that we both agreed it would work for us if I were to wear lingerie and dresses, especially housekeeping dresses such as the one you are wearing in your picture, and do housekeeping chores. Sometimes my wife is doing chores with me, but it is most fulfilling if she spends the day in town for fun and relaxation while I stay home in silkies and a dress and see to it she has a clean house to come home to.

    You seem to be a very good writer and I'm sure your story from your wife finding you in panties to where you are her sissy maid would be a good story to tell, especially if it included thoughts from Miss Barbara and Miss Carolyn.

  6. Not all men who wear panties do it for a "sissy factor". My husband was never comfortable with the poor quality of men's underwear, and a few makers tried with a comperable product, which he liked. But the went out of production, and had to "cross the isle" to get what was comfortable for him. He is far srom sissy in any definition of the word. The advice you give wouldn't fit in our case, and would actually create a problem. Hope your readers can differentiate the advice that applies to them. I certainly would not follow this line of humiliation, as here, it would be destructive.

  7. Hi Smith5193, thanks for reading and thanks for posting your perspective! I think there is a difference between men like your husband, who apparently doesn't hide the fact that he wears panties (although my guess is that he would not want it to be general knowledge), and guys caught doing it in secret by their wives. When a male secretly dresses up in women's clothes, he is probably doing for reasons other than comfort. Otherwise, why keep it a secret?

    Also, I am curious as to things like, what kind of panties does your husband wear? Does he wear panties all the time, including like to the gym or doctor?

    Thanks again!