We have all heard about wives who find out to their surprise that their husband is a crossdresser. What is a woman to do?
This is the fourth in a series of articles on how a woman might handle the discovery that her husband is a crossdresser. In previous articles I began with her first reaction to the discovery and ended up discussing how it could actually be a good thing for her, for him, and for the relationship. Now it is finally time to talk about that important post-discovery conversation with the husband.
If you handled the discovery as I outlined, he was left knowing that his secret is out and that you will not ignore it. What could be going through his mind? Well, it could be (and is) a lot of things: How upset is she? (because you gave no clue when you left); Does she think I am gay?; Does she want a divorce?; Will she tell anybody about this? (possibly his greatest fear).
Above all, he is probably telling himself, and will probably swear to you, that he will never do it again. And he means it, but he will be tempted to, and almost certainly will, do it again. By the time you get home, he probably will have thrown his entire "collection" away (and likely not for the first time).
The reason for all the "probablys" is this: in rare cases, he may decide to be completely truthful and say something like, "Ok, you caught me. I am sorry that I kept it a secret from you, but this is me. I can't change and I hope you can accept me the way I am." If so, it is a good thing and shows that he is truthful and courageous, knows himself, and trusts in you and in the strength of the relationship to endure.
Every situation is different and there is no one way to handle this encounter. For starters, let on as little as possible about your feelings in the matter. Tell him that the time has come to talk and get him to the place where you will be most comfortable; the kitchen table, the living room, even the bedroom, it is up to you.
Miss Carolyn suggests bringing the word "sissy" into the conversation at the beginning and using it often. He will probably start in with apologies, excuses, explanations, or possibly with a confession such as mentioned above. In any case, this is the time to assert control over how things will proceed. Firmly interrupt him with a statement in the form of a question such as, "Just tell me this, how long have you been a sissy?"
If he objects to the word "sissy", remind him of the circumstances. Smile sweetly and say something like, "Now honey, I caught you wearing panties, of course you are a sissy." Or, "But you dress up in womens clothes, that's what sissies do." Just be specific and be sure to use the word "sissy".
Now he can't deny that by your definition he is a sissy, but he will want you to know that he is not gay. When this comes up, say something along the lines of, "Don't worry, I know that most sissies are not gay, just like most men are not gay." Notice the subtle message that, even though you don't think he is gay, you may not exactly think of a "sissy" as a "man".
Now you want him to tell you everything. Just know that no matter how much he tells you, it probably won't really be everything. The idea is to get as much as you can from him while understanding that there is almost certainly more.
Start by saying something like, "I am not upset about you being a sissy, I am upset that you were deceitful. You can help make it better by telling me everything." Do this even if you are not so sure about it yourself. It is the best way to get him talking. You might also give him a place to start by asking something specific like, "When did you first wear women's clothes?"
When he begins talking, let him talk, but also ask a lot of questions. Ask him anything you are curious about or anything about which you want more details. And remember, use the word "sissy" often. You want him to get used to thinking of himself as a sissy and of knowing that you do too. Use the word non-judgementally and without negative connotation.
In my next article, I will go over some some important specific (and potentially useful) things that you will need to learn from him. Thanks for reading!