This is the sixth article of a series about what a woman might do if she finds out that her husband (or boyfriend) secretly wears womens clothes. Up to now, I have mostly addressed how she should react to and confront him with the discovery. Now I will get into how she might proceed going into the future of the relationship.
So, how do you respond if he promises never to do anything like whatever you caught him doing ever again? Since it is likely to be the first thing he tells you, say something non-committal like, "We'll come back to that." Then take control of the discussion and proceed as outlined in previous articles. That way you will accomplish some important things before you address the promise.
Among these are knowing about the extent of his habit and coming to a mutual "understanding" that he was expressing a feminine side. Once you have reached this "understanding" (the most important thing) and come to the end of discussing his past and present activities (in as much detail as possible), you can move on to the next step.
And now, at long last, we are coming to the end of this series. That is because the next steps are largely up to you (and by "you" I mean the woman that is in this situation). The only thing left is pass on a few points based on Miss Carolyn's beliefs.
It is important to understand that Miss Carolyn is a believer in the idea that feminization is beneficial at all levels from the personal to the societal. With that in mind, you can understand why she sees this sort of situation as a golden opportunity.
The first point is that you should definitely not take him up on any "never again" promise. He is highly unlikely to be able to keep it anyway. If and when he makes such a promise, say something like, "I know you believe that, but didn't you just say that you were expressing a feminine part of yourself? Is that just going to go away? I think that will always be a sissy."
The idea is that you should be the one in control and direct his feminization in ways that fit with your needs and desires. I touched on a few possibilities in a past article and hopefully you gave it some thought. If not, don't worry, you can get started now and develop ideas as you go along.
You could allow him to continue his sissy activities out of sight, but this is not recommended because you will lose both the control and the benefits of the situation. Also, it is divisive. Neither of you wants to feel that he is waiting to be left alone so that he can engage in some deep, dark activity. It may work for a while, but it will lead to the weakening and breakdown of the relationship. On the other hand, your control and direction of his feminization will ultimately be very satisfying, and even fun, for both of you.
A full discussion of feminization is beyond the scope of this series but I can pass along a few basics for getting started. First, get the sissy into panties. Panties of his own, that he purchases himself. The ideal is the "24/7" goal, meaning that he is always in panties and does not even own any "boy underwear".
Second, pick out a sissy name. Use a feminine version of his own name or another one entirely. You can ask him if he already has one and, if not, give him one. Develop his sissy persona using this name and always refer to this persona as "she" or "her".
It is also good to talk about your experiences with one or more of your close friends, or even your mother. Who knows? They might surprise you with similar stories of their own. You can tell your sissy about these discussions, but leave him in doubt about with whom they have taken place.
And finally, you can use the internet to research feminization, female superiority, etc. You can meet and get ideas from other women and sissies. Just remember, use it for reference but don't believe everything you see!
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So there you have it. The end of a series that turned out to be much longer than I imagined. I have enjoyed the writing and all of the discussion, public and private, that has resulted. Thanks so much to all of my readers!
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Caught Your Husband in Panties... Now What? (Part 5)
We have all heard about wives who find out to their surprise that their husband is a crossdresser. What is a woman to do?
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This is article number five in a series about how a woman might handle unexpectedly finding out that her husband crossdresses. I have covered everything from her initial reaction up to the beginning of the first conversation after the discovery. Now I want to continue my discussion of that talk.
As discussed in the prior article, the ideal is for your husband to tell you everything about his behavior. But in truth, he almost certainly will not tell all; there are some things that are just too embarrassing for him to talk about. However, before you finish talking, there are specific things you should talk about and a couple of goals to accomplish.
One thing to explore is when and why he started wearing womens clothes. Most adult sissies do not start crossdressing as adults, they start in their teens or earlier. However, no matter when it was, chances are he remembers the first time he wore an article of womens clothes, usually panties. If not the very first time, he is sure to remember at least the time period.
As for why he started, he might not want to, or even be able to, give a reason. It may be because of embarrassment, maybe it is hard to articulate, or maybe he actually does not know. This is not surprising, many men feel compelled to wear womens clothes for unknown reasons.
There could be many factors: As a young boy, perhaps his mother, a sister, or even an aunt dressed him as a girl at times. Maybe he was jealous over the attention that a sister received or wanted to more closely identify with his mother or sister. For boys that start in their teens, it is often sexually motivated, but as they grow older the sexual aspect diminishes and is replaced by feelings of comfort and security when wearing womens clothes.
Among crossdressers who do start as adults, it might also be for sexual stimulation. Or it could be an escape from the pressures and responsibilities of everyday life. And although it is not applicable in this series, sometimes a woman will use her influence to feminize a male, putting him in panties among other things.
Interestingly, hormones might play a part. Some sissies have been found to have a lower than average ratio of testosterone to estrogen. This is in fact true for me and it raises the possibility that in some cases there is a physical reason why a male might tend toward the feminine.
However, knowing why he started is not the true purpose of this discussion. The purpose is to give him a certain excuse for his crossdressing, to lead him to a specific reason: that he needs to express himself in a feminine way. Whether or not he gives a reason why he started, say something like, "Well, I guess you still need to express a feminine side." He will almost certainly agree. It lets him feel that you understand his motivation and that you will forgive him for deceiving you, not to mention the fact that it is true.
This accomplishes a couple of things. Most importantly, your mutual "understanding" of the reason for his behavior will give you control over his feminization. Although subtle at first, this control can ultimately be extensive. Also, it makes it impossible for him to deny that he is a sissy. If he protests being referred to as a sissy, remind him that he agreed that he "needs to express his femininity" or that he "has a feminine side", and that is all you mean by the word "sissy".
Now try to get an idea about the extent of his crossdressing, also an area in which he might not be completely truthful. You can get some idea from the situation in which you caught him. Did you find, or catch him wearing, just panties? A whole outfit? Makeup? Shoes?
Go over with him in detail what you found or what you saw. If it was just panties, ask him if he wants to wear bras. If he was fully dressed up, ask him if he wants to go out like that. He will probably deny being interested in the "next step" (whatever it may be), but it is a safe bet that it is a false denial.
Lastly, I mentioned earlier that he is likely to promise never to do it again and that he probably threw his "collection" away before your talk. My feeling is that Miss Carolyn's views about how to respond to this and how to proceed will be... controversial. So, I will begin with that point in my next article. I hope you have enjoyed reading and will stick around!
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This is article number five in a series about how a woman might handle unexpectedly finding out that her husband crossdresses. I have covered everything from her initial reaction up to the beginning of the first conversation after the discovery. Now I want to continue my discussion of that talk.
As discussed in the prior article, the ideal is for your husband to tell you everything about his behavior. But in truth, he almost certainly will not tell all; there are some things that are just too embarrassing for him to talk about. However, before you finish talking, there are specific things you should talk about and a couple of goals to accomplish.
One thing to explore is when and why he started wearing womens clothes. Most adult sissies do not start crossdressing as adults, they start in their teens or earlier. However, no matter when it was, chances are he remembers the first time he wore an article of womens clothes, usually panties. If not the very first time, he is sure to remember at least the time period.
As for why he started, he might not want to, or even be able to, give a reason. It may be because of embarrassment, maybe it is hard to articulate, or maybe he actually does not know. This is not surprising, many men feel compelled to wear womens clothes for unknown reasons.
There could be many factors: As a young boy, perhaps his mother, a sister, or even an aunt dressed him as a girl at times. Maybe he was jealous over the attention that a sister received or wanted to more closely identify with his mother or sister. For boys that start in their teens, it is often sexually motivated, but as they grow older the sexual aspect diminishes and is replaced by feelings of comfort and security when wearing womens clothes.
Among crossdressers who do start as adults, it might also be for sexual stimulation. Or it could be an escape from the pressures and responsibilities of everyday life. And although it is not applicable in this series, sometimes a woman will use her influence to feminize a male, putting him in panties among other things.
Interestingly, hormones might play a part. Some sissies have been found to have a lower than average ratio of testosterone to estrogen. This is in fact true for me and it raises the possibility that in some cases there is a physical reason why a male might tend toward the feminine.
However, knowing why he started is not the true purpose of this discussion. The purpose is to give him a certain excuse for his crossdressing, to lead him to a specific reason: that he needs to express himself in a feminine way. Whether or not he gives a reason why he started, say something like, "Well, I guess you still need to express a feminine side." He will almost certainly agree. It lets him feel that you understand his motivation and that you will forgive him for deceiving you, not to mention the fact that it is true.
This accomplishes a couple of things. Most importantly, your mutual "understanding" of the reason for his behavior will give you control over his feminization. Although subtle at first, this control can ultimately be extensive. Also, it makes it impossible for him to deny that he is a sissy. If he protests being referred to as a sissy, remind him that he agreed that he "needs to express his femininity" or that he "has a feminine side", and that is all you mean by the word "sissy".
Now try to get an idea about the extent of his crossdressing, also an area in which he might not be completely truthful. You can get some idea from the situation in which you caught him. Did you find, or catch him wearing, just panties? A whole outfit? Makeup? Shoes?
Go over with him in detail what you found or what you saw. If it was just panties, ask him if he wants to wear bras. If he was fully dressed up, ask him if he wants to go out like that. He will probably deny being interested in the "next step" (whatever it may be), but it is a safe bet that it is a false denial.
Lastly, I mentioned earlier that he is likely to promise never to do it again and that he probably threw his "collection" away before your talk. My feeling is that Miss Carolyn's views about how to respond to this and how to proceed will be... controversial. So, I will begin with that point in my next article. I hope you have enjoyed reading and will stick around!
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