Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Caught Your Husband in Panties... Now What? (Part 5)

We have all heard about wives who find out to their surprise that their husband is a crossdresser. What is a woman to do?
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This is article number five in a series about how a woman might handle unexpectedly finding out that her husband crossdresses. I have covered everything from her initial reaction up to the beginning of the first conversation after the discovery. Now I want to continue my discussion of that talk.

As discussed in the prior article, the ideal is for your husband to tell you everything about his behavior. But in truth, he almost certainly will not tell all; there are some things that are just too embarrassing for him to talk about. However, before you finish talking, there are specific things you should talk about and a couple of goals to accomplish.

One thing to explore is when and why he started wearing womens clothes. Most adult sissies do not start crossdressing as adults, they start in their teens or earlier. However, no matter when it was, chances are he remembers the first time he wore an article of womens clothes, usually panties. If not the very first time, he is sure to remember at least the time period.

As for why he started, he might not want to, or even be able to, give a reason. It may be because of embarrassment, maybe it is hard to articulate, or maybe he actually does not know. This is not surprising, many men feel compelled to wear womens clothes for unknown reasons.

There could be many factors: As a young boy, perhaps his mother, a sister, or even an aunt dressed him as a girl at times. Maybe he was jealous over the attention that a sister received or wanted to more closely identify with his mother or sister. For boys that start in their teens, it is often sexually motivated, but as they grow older the sexual aspect diminishes and is replaced by feelings of comfort and security when wearing womens clothes.

Among crossdressers who do start as adults, it might also be for sexual stimulation. Or it could be an escape from the pressures and responsibilities of everyday life. And although it is not applicable in this series, sometimes a woman will use her influence to feminize a male, putting him in panties among other things.

Interestingly, hormones might play a part. Some sissies have been found to have a lower than average ratio of testosterone to estrogen. This is in fact true for me and it raises the possibility that in some cases there is a physical reason why a male might tend toward the feminine.

However, knowing why he started is not the true purpose of this discussion. The purpose is to give him a certain excuse for his crossdressing, to lead him to a specific reason: that he needs to express himself in a feminine way. Whether or not he gives a reason why he started, say something like, "Well, I guess you still need to express a feminine side." He will almost certainly agree. It lets him feel that you understand his motivation and that you will forgive him for deceiving you, not to mention the fact that it is true.

This accomplishes a couple of things. Most importantly, your mutual "understanding" of the reason for his behavior will give you control over his feminization. Although subtle at first, this control can ultimately be extensive. Also, it makes it impossible for him to deny that he is a sissy. If he protests being referred to as a sissy, remind him that he agreed that he "needs to express his femininity" or that he "has a feminine side", and that is all you mean by the word "sissy".

Now try to get an idea about the extent of his crossdressing, also an area in which he might not be completely truthful. You can get some idea from the situation in which you caught him. Did you find, or catch him wearing, just panties? A whole outfit? Makeup? Shoes?

Go over with him in detail what you found or what you saw. If it was just panties, ask him if he wants to wear bras. If he was fully dressed up, ask him if he wants to go out like that. He will probably deny being interested in the "next step" (whatever it may be), but it is a safe bet that it is a false denial.

Lastly, I mentioned earlier that he is likely to promise never to do it again and that he probably threw his "collection" away before your talk. My feeling is that Miss Carolyn's views about how to respond to this and how to proceed will be... controversial. So, I will begin with that point in my next article. I hope you have enjoyed reading and will stick around!


  1. From your blog it appears that Miss Barbara found you wearing panties. Is that correct? How quickly was Miss Carolyn brought in? Did you protest when you were asked how long you have been a sissy? What was the process from being found in panties to where you now wear silkies and housekeeping dresses doing the housework? I hope I'm not coming across as being nosey. I'm just impressed by wives who, opon discovery they are married to a sissy, arrange things to the mutual benefit of the couple. I know I asked before about you telling the story from sneaking into panties to the way it is now, but it would also be very interesting if Miss Barbara and Miss Carolyn both wrote their description of how this arrangment came about, too.