Caught Your Husband in Panties... Now What? (Part 3)

This is the third in a series of articles on this subject. Earlier articles gave advice about how to react to the initial discovery and tried to relieve some doubts that may have arisen. I also explained why it was kept secret and described the shift of power that occurred at the time of discovery. Now I want to discuss the range of possible changes in the relationship that might result.

The first thing to know is that by far the most unlikely change is no change at all. The genie (or maybe Jeannie? ) is out of the bottle. You now know that your partner is a crossdresser, and he knows that you know. There is no way that either of you can "unknow" it. Even if you want to try and he agrees to never do it again, it is very unlikely to be permanent.

It is a common cycle among closeted crossdressers: A man has a desire to wear panties or to dress up, and in pursuit this, he accumulates items which must be kept hidden. This becomes a source of increasing stress as the collection grows. Then something happens, he is almost discovered or the sense of guilt due to conflicted feelings (see Part 2 of this series) becomes too great, and he "purges". He throws everything away and promises himself that he will never do it again, and he means it. But sooner or later, the cycle begins again.

You cannot spend your relationship like this, wondering if your partner is dressing up when he is alone or if he is hiding something from you. You can't always be afraid to (or maybe trying to) walk in on him unexpectedly. Do you want him to always be fighting this desire and feeling guilty about it? And what about the inevitable time when you find hidden panties, or catch him dressed up again? Such a relationship, full of suspicion and lacking in trust, is doomed to fail. There is a better way, a whole range of better ways.

First, you should accept that your partner is a crossdresser and always will be. This will allow you to see the situation clearly. Once you do this, you will begin to see how it can work to your advantage and make you, your partner, and the relationship happier than ever. I will point out some of the possibilities and you are sure to discover others for yourself.

Next, resolve that you will be the one in control of the situation. This is not a comfortable idea for many women, but if it makes you nervous, focus just on this one area. You will get used to it and later you can expand your control if you like (and you probably will). You could tell him that he can continue his behavior out of your sight, but this is not recommended. It will drive you apart over time and, more importantly, you lose control of the situation and any advantages to be gained.

Now you can think about what you want. Would you like to make sure your husband is faithful? Good news! A man that is in panties 24/7 will rarely cheat on his wife. How about some help with the household chores? Congratulations! You are well on your way to having a sissy maid that will do some (or all!) of the housework. Want to be the envy of your friends? Think of their reactions when you tell them over after-work drinks that your husband is at home cleaning the bathrooms. Do you want more sex with your husband? Or maybe less? Well, with a little imagination, either of these options is possible.

Are you beginning to get an idea of the possibilities? You can have any of these benefits (and so much more) with no arguing, no nagging, no begging... virtually no effort on your part at all. And guess what? He will thank you for it! His devotion to you will be immense and unshakable. And you can get him to demonstrate his devotion in almost any way you choose (use your imagination).

The fact is, some women resort to coercion or outright trickery to get to the place where women that catch their husbands wearing panties find themselves by sheer luck. My hope is that this series of articles might help women that have found themselves in this situation realize their good fortune.

Stay tuned for part 4 where I (finally!) talk about that important first post-discovery conversation.

Male Training Theory

Hi there! Just a quick break from the "Caught Your Husband in Panties" series to bring you a really great link that a friend showed me. Dream Lover Labs makes and sells various devices used for training males but the page I really like is this one: 

http://www.dreamloverlabs.com/theory.php

It contains several essays on the training of males by Women. This link could be a big help to a lot of women! It would be a great benefit to society if all women were aware of these techniques. I don't know if Miss Barbara has ever read this exact page but I recognize many of these techniques from her use of them in our marriage!

Pass this link on to any women that you know, especially women with disrespectful or overbearing husbands! These men need to be trained for their own good, the good of society, and most of all for the benefit of the woman.

Caught Your Husband in Panties... Now What? (Part 2)

We have all heard about wives who find out to their surprise that their husband is a crossdresser. What is a woman to do?
--------------------------------------------------- --------------------------
This is the second part of a series that describes how a woman might handle the unexpected discovery that her husband secretly dresses in women's clothes. In the first part, I described Miss Carolyn's advice about the best way to react at the time of the discovery. I also touched on some of the things a woman might feel and mostly dispelled one major concern, the fear that the husband is gay. I ended part one by describing the immediate power-shift in the relationship, which happens in any female-male relationship, when you see him dressed in women's clothes.

Miss Carolyn's advice about the best way to react at the time of discovery involved telling him that you two will be talking over the situation soon and then immediately leaving. The reasons for this approach are twofold: First, it lets him know that his secret is out and that you are not going to ignore it and second, leaving without giving him a chance to respond increases his tension about what is to come.

If the discovery has already occurred and you did not respond in this way, don't worry, it may not be too late to follow Miss Carolyn's advice. You can start by bringing up the subject at an unexpected time, such as when he is watching sports or working in the yard, and letting him know that you want to talk about it... when you get home. The key is to do this when you are leaving for a short time and to give him as little chance as possible to react. This will have the same tension-building effect mentioned earlier.

Then leave. Go shopping, have a drink, get your nails done, have fun! But you have some thinking to do during this time. After all, you have to decide what you want to do with your new-found power. You also have to acknowledge that your husband has been hiding this side of himself from you and you may feel resentful or even betrayed. However, it is important that you understand the reason that he kept this secret from you.

The reason is many-faceted but it boils down to one main thing: It is because he loves you and he is concerned about what you think of him. Through no fault of his own, he has been taught that femininity is inferior to masculinity and therefore he is deeply conflicted about his need to express himself in a feminine manner. It is because of this conflict within himself that he felt he needed to keep this secret from you. He was afraid that you would think less of him because of this feminine side.

And the truth is, you were raised in the same society. You might also feel that femininity is "less" than masculinity, if only at a subconscious level. You have to examine your own feelings and be honest, do you think less of him now that you have seen that he needs to express a feminine side? If so, it is something with which you will need to come to terms. Why would you think less of him upon finding him dressed in woman's clothes? Would he think less of you if he found you dressed in man's clothes? Probably not. And why is that? You need to consider this and the whole situation may turn out to be a learning experience for both of you.

Miss Carolyn's advice: Accept that your husband has a feminine aspect that he needs to express, forgive him for keeping it a secret, and get over your negative feelings of resentment or betrayal. He did not intend to hurt you. If fact, it is because of his love for you that he was trying to protect your feelings. True, he may not be exactly the man that you thought you married, but if you think less of him, it is because you yourself harbor feelings that women (and femininity) are inferior to men (masculinity).

Now, about that "new-found power" I mentioned. You may not feel it (yet) but it happened in his mind the instant you saw him in panties (or in a dress, or whatever). He felt exposed and vulnerable and you were suddenly in possession of his deepest, darkest secret. You are now in a position to bring about almost any change in your marriage that you desire.

So, what will you do? Needless to say, Miss Carolyn has some ideas and advice about that. In order to keep things short, I will cover these in my next article. Thanks for reading and I do hope you will stick around as I continue the series!