Caught Your Husband in Panties... Now What? (Part 5)

We have all heard about wives who find out to their surprise that their husband is a crossdresser. What is a woman to do?
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This is article number five in a series about how a woman might handle unexpectedly finding out that her husband crossdresses. I have covered everything from her initial reaction up to the beginning of the first conversation after the discovery. Now I want to continue my discussion of that talk.

As discussed in the prior article, the ideal is for your husband to tell you everything about his behavior. But in truth, he almost certainly will not tell all; there are some things that are just too embarrassing for him to talk about. However, before you finish talking, there are specific things you should talk about and a couple of goals to accomplish.

One thing to explore is when and why he started wearing womens clothes. Most adult sissies do not start crossdressing as adults, they start in their teens or earlier. However, no matter when it was, chances are he remembers the first time he wore an article of womens clothes, usually panties. If not the very first time, he is sure to remember at least the time period.

As for why he started, he might not want to, or even be able to, give a reason. It may be because of embarrassment, maybe it is hard to articulate, or maybe he actually does not know. This is not surprising, many men feel compelled to wear womens clothes for unknown reasons.

There could be many factors: As a young boy, perhaps his mother, a sister, or even an aunt dressed him as a girl at times. Maybe he was jealous over the attention that a sister received or wanted to more closely identify with his mother or sister. For boys that start in their teens, it is often sexually motivated, but as they grow older the sexual aspect diminishes and is replaced by feelings of comfort and security when wearing womens clothes.

Among crossdressers who do start as adults, it might also be for sexual stimulation. Or it could be an escape from the pressures and responsibilities of everyday life. And although it is not applicable in this series, sometimes a woman will use her influence to feminize a male, putting him in panties among other things.

Interestingly, hormones might play a part. Some sissies have been found to have a lower than average ratio of testosterone to estrogen. This is in fact true for me and it raises the possibility that in some cases there is a physical reason why a male might tend toward the feminine.

However, knowing why he started is not the true purpose of this discussion. The purpose is to give him a certain excuse for his crossdressing, to lead him to a specific reason: that he needs to express himself in a feminine way. Whether or not he gives a reason why he started, say something like, "Well, I guess you still need to express a feminine side." He will almost certainly agree. It lets him feel that you understand his motivation and that you will forgive him for deceiving you, not to mention the fact that it is true.

This accomplishes a couple of things. Most importantly, your mutual "understanding" of the reason for his behavior will give you control over his feminization. Although subtle at first, this control can ultimately be extensive. Also, it makes it impossible for him to deny that he is a sissy. If he protests being referred to as a sissy, remind him that he agreed that he "needs to express his femininity" or that he "has a feminine side", and that is all you mean by the word "sissy".

Now try to get an idea about the extent of his crossdressing, also an area in which he might not be completely truthful. You can get some idea from the situation in which you caught him. Did you find, or catch him wearing, just panties? A whole outfit? Makeup? Shoes?

Go over with him in detail what you found or what you saw. If it was just panties, ask him if he wants to wear bras. If he was fully dressed up, ask him if he wants to go out like that. He will probably deny being interested in the "next step" (whatever it may be), but it is a safe bet that it is a false denial.

Lastly, I mentioned earlier that he is likely to promise never to do it again and that he probably threw his "collection" away before your talk. My feeling is that Miss Carolyn's views about how to respond to this and how to proceed will be... controversial. So, I will begin with that point in my next article. I hope you have enjoyed reading and will stick around!

A Man Doesn't Need a Bra? Think again!

Another little break from the "Caught Your Husband in Panties" series...

I think a lot of women could benefit from this site:  http://www.brassiered.com/main.html

It describes itself as "the website that could revolutionize your relationship!" and I am pretty sure it could do just that for many couples. It is mainly focused on three areas: Brassiere discipline, male chastity and men as maids; all worthy subjects I think we can agree!

I especially like the section on "brassiere discipline." I had never thought about the bra as such a powerful symbol of femininity and how that can be used to influence the behavior of a man (and not in the more obvious way!) The site publicizes a very good book called Brassiered: A Complete Guide to Brassiere Discipline which tells the why and how of getting a man in a bra, and where to go from there. You can buy a copy of the book or read the entire book for free on the site. Why buy it if you can read it for free? Maybe as a gift? Like a "gag-gift-but-not-really" if you know what I mean.

Anyway, if you get a chance check it out. You'll be especially glad you did if you are a woman and you want to "help your man put a stop to bad habits, encourage him to become more attentive to your needs, and keep him safe from the temptations of adultery.."

Enjoy and thanks for reading!

Caught Your Husband in Panties... Now What? (Part 4)

We have all heard about wives who find out to their surprise that their husband is a crossdresser. What is a woman to do?
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This is the fourth in a series of articles on how a woman might handle the discovery that her husband is a crossdresser. In previous articles I began with her first reaction to the discovery and ended up discussing how it could actually be a good thing for her, for him, and for the relationship. Now it is finally time to talk about that important post-discovery conversation with the husband.

If you handled the discovery as I outlined, he was left knowing that his secret is out and that you will not ignore it. What could be going through his mind? Well, it could be (and is) a lot of things: How upset is she? (because you gave no clue when you left); Does she think I am gay?; Does she want a divorce?; Will she tell anybody about this? (possibly his greatest fear).

Above all, he is probably telling himself, and will probably swear to you, that he will never do it again. And he means it, but he will be tempted to, and almost certainly will, do it again. By the time you get home, he probably will have thrown his entire "collection" away (and likely not for the first time).

The reason for all the "probablys" is this: in rare cases, he may decide to be completely truthful and say something like, "Ok, you caught me. I am sorry that I kept it a secret from you, but this is me. I can't change and I hope you can accept me the way I am." If so, it is a good thing and shows that he is truthful and courageous, knows himself, and trusts in you and in the strength of the relationship to endure.

Every situation is different and there is no one way to handle this encounter. For starters, let on as little as possible about your feelings in the matter. Tell him that the time has come to talk and get him to the place where you will be most comfortable; the kitchen table, the living room, even the bedroom, it is up to you.

Miss Carolyn suggests bringing the word "sissy" into the conversation at the beginning and using it often. He will probably start in with apologies, excuses, explanations, or possibly with a confession such as mentioned above. In any case, this is the time to assert control over how things will proceed. Firmly interrupt him with a statement in the form of a question such as, "Just tell me this, how long have you been a sissy?"

If he objects to the word "sissy", remind him of the circumstances. Smile sweetly and say something like, "Now honey, I caught you wearing panties, of course you are a sissy." Or, "But you dress up in womens clothes, that's what sissies do." Just be specific and be sure to use the word "sissy".

Now he can't deny that by your definition he is a sissy, but he will want you to know that he is not gay. When this comes up, say something along the lines of, "Don't worry, I know that most sissies are not gay, just like most men are not gay." Notice the subtle message that, even though you don't think he is gay, you may not exactly think of a "sissy" as a "man".

Now you want him to tell you everything. Just know that no matter how much he tells you, it probably won't really be everything. The idea is to get as much as you can from him while understanding that there is almost certainly more.

Start by saying something like, "I am not upset about you being a sissy, I am upset that you were deceitful. You can help make it better by telling me everything." Do this even if you are not so sure about it yourself. It is the best way to get him talking. You might also give him a place to start by asking something specific like, "When did you first wear women's clothes?"

When he begins talking, let him talk, but also ask a lot of questions. Ask him anything you are curious about or anything about which you want more details. And remember, use the word "sissy" often. You want him to get used to thinking of himself as a sissy and of knowing that you do too. Use the word non-judgementally and without negative connotation.

In my next article, I will go over some some important specific (and potentially useful) things that you will need to learn from him. Thanks for reading!